Tuesday, October 15, 2013
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This was what my sis told me when I couldn't fall asleep last night, "You are awake, because you are alive in someone else's dream." So cheesy!!! Look what university has done to her.
Seeing my sis experience her freshman year makes me thrilled and scared at the same time. I am thrilled at the thoughts of all the new opportunities and experiences (listening to lectures and taking notes down, using a laptop or tablet instead of the traditional paper and pen- a completely new lifestyle).
However, I am scared. University goes by the bell-curve system. I may be good, but I don't know if I will be good enough for them. ): My sister scored 72 out of 100 for her MATLAB test. I consider it to be quite high. However, her score is lower than the average in her faculty and she probably will get a B or C. It looks quite bad on the transcript. My poor sis ):
Survival of the fittest! Everything boils down to this theory. Only the most powerful and strongest survives. This leads me to question myself: Am I good enough? And it is one of the questions which I always have difficulty answering. I know I am good, but I don't know if I am good enough. ): I am so scared of getting a C for any module. Am I good enough to compete with those people from HCJC, RJC and other junior colleges? Am I good enough to compete with those ORD-ed guys who have extra two years worth of experiences? I am scared that if I go into business school, I am no match for them. What is the point of getting a diploma in business, if I ended up being the bottom of the cohort, getting Cs for all the modules?
I am feeling so small and tiny. ): suddenly, I don't feel like graduating. I want to dwell in the comfort of NUS High School, where the grades are not bell-curved. At least I know that if I work hard, I won't get a 'C'. Perhaps, I should study pure science? Pure physics perhaps?? At least I know that NUS High School's physics hons modules will prep me well and I am guaranteed a B. (: tehehehe
Time is ticking. I have to make up my mind fast. The pressure is increasing. I will find the light at the end of the tunnel. Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
In times of distress, let me turn and seek God.
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Dear God,
I am so confused about my future now. Everywhere I turn, the doors seem to close tightly. I don't even know what I should do now. In every decision I make, I will seek your approval. I hope that you will begin to show me your will and directions.
Jeremiah 29: 11 "For I know the plans or you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Sorry for the times that I sinned. Wash me clean with your blood.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
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10:21 PM;